Katie Price vs Kelly Brook

As I am merrily sat at my laptop and tucking into a southern fried chicken salad wrap from Tesco, a rather bewildering headline catches my eye. There has been a (hella) lot of hype about the progression of women celebrity body obsession, with our favourite celebs shrivelling away to nothing more than bags of bones with plastic boobs in long sequin dresses. In the world of the celebrity, you can never be too rich, too thin, and evidently too fake. Am I the only person who thinks that Madam Tussaud’s would be exactly the same if all the waxworks of women were replaced by the real celebs themselves? There’s nothing desirable about the waxy look of Victoria Beckham’s pasty and withdrawn body wrapped away inside a £10,000 Gucci number, which rather amusingly bears an uncanny resemblance to those manky coffee sweets in selection boxes - the ones that always have the most attractive foil wrappers.

Anyway, back to the bewildering headline, and the slight catch of chicken wrap in my throat. The headline read, ‘Katie Price calls Kelly Brook a ‘heffer’ after seeing her in a bikini’. Now, the infamous urban dictionary describes the term ‘heffer’ as, ‘a really fat bitch, one comparable to a cow's size’, and instantly I assumed that poor Kelly Brook must have either had a baby and not been able to lose all the baby weight within the usual celebrity dictated time allowance of 2 days, or she had let herself go after achieving a perfectly contented lifestyle. The images of Kelly shocked me more than what Katie Price had initially stated – she was perfectly normal. In fact, she was thinner than most people I see from day to day. Under the only circumstances Katie Price could issue such a remark could only be from within this warped, fun-house mirror body standard within the celebrity society. If I ever met ‘Jordan’, I can only hope that the sight of my ungodly 'normal' body shape doesn’t melt her plastic tits off.

I’m glad to see that I’m not alone in my disgust over Katie Price’s comment. A tonne of Twitter users have also voiced their disbelief in her claim that Kelly Brook has ‘obviously been comfort eating’. But is ‘Jordan’ really wrong in her claim, from the perspective of the unrealistic celebrity body standard? It’s very possible that Kelly would be unable to model any bikini range if she was without the factor of her celebrity status, simply due to how the industry only opens its doors for rail thin women, whether this thinness is natural or not. Despite the claims on how fashion industries are striving to use ‘plus size models’ (AKA size 12 women - still smaller than the average woman in the UK), I don’t believe anyone is fooled. It will take some time for the ideal body image to reset itself back to a curvier shape (similar to that of the 60s, before ‘Twiggy’ rudely barged in and caused a shift in the body image norm), but in the meantime I think I would much rather look like Kelly Brook than Katie Price.